Strength is Fading...

My strength is fading.  Physically I am exhausted.  Miss Sophie has apparantly run out of comfortable space in her current home.  Her movements are very distinct and cause discomfort and contractions if I am not careful.  I was told to go on a 80/20 daily routine (80% rest / 20% cleaning and what not).   Emotionally I am shot.  The stress is beyond bearable anymore.  Our family's way of coping with anything is to pass judgement on everyone and everything.  I really wonder if I am the only one who sees things thru my mother's eyes.  :(  It is killing me to know how broken hearted and disappointed she is to still be alive - completely invalid.  She has fought the good fight.  Has endured.  Only problem the "end" has yet to arrive.    :(   When I speak with my father on this issue - he wants to prolong her life (which is understandable) regardless of what quality of life that will be.  Doesn't anyone see that MY heart is breaking???  Doesn't anyone know how hard it is to sit relatively idly by and watch one's mother's life slipping away???  Doesn't anyone feel compassion for HER suffering???  Physically loosing her presence is extremely sad for us.  However, knowing that she will be in peace and happiness for all eternity - shouldn't that be reason enough for us to even reluctantly let her go???   I'm sorry.  I guess I am trying to talk out my personal frustration.  In a lot of ways it is a good thing I am going home in a couple days.  I can't sit here and watch her suffer for weeks.   I keep praying for Mercy from Heaven!  I keep pleading that Eternal Rest be granted her soon.  That her suffering may end.  I feel like I am storming Heaven in vain!  :(  I can't bear to watch her lay there and live the rest of her days in such sadness and know there is NOTHING I can do to help her.  :(  Please pray for me and my family!  We are seriously falling apart!  Pray that I may receive strength and comfort through it all!  After all, I still have an entire 3rd Trimester to go - I need to have at least what is physically necessary to complete sweet baby Sophie's healthy development!  I need to have the strength and love needed to care for my beautiful children who are taking my time away from home like champions.  I need love for my husband and patience in all things especially after feeling so "drained" of everything that I have ever been or any strength I have ever had.   By the way, my dear husband, is outstanding.  I could not have been blessed with anyone more perfect.  I hope he truly knows how deeply I love him and how much amazing respect I have for him.  Gratitude reigns supreme at this point in time.  I am so happy to have been married to him for 6 years and counting.  God is indeed GOOD!

(p.s. - trying to upload pics to this blog and it isn't working.  may work later....)